Crossroads

Do you ever feel like your life is heading nowhere? Like you haven't really accomplished anything at all? Well, that's exactly how I feel right now. I'm 30 and it's a no-brainer that by this time, I should have already done something noteworthy, or have a successful career or maybe married with kids. (That's how I pictured my life to be) But I'm none of these things. The only thing I've accomplished so far is the marriage thing minus the kids.

Here I am. I am 30, unemployed, childless, stays up all night to watch mushy films or series or listen to sappy songs and then wakes up at 4 in the afternoon to dine. (But to be honest, I'd choose sleeping any day of the week and twice on Sunday.) The best part is, I do this everyday. You may think my life is perfect because I am doing absolutely nothing. You're right on the part that I'm a total bum. But it's far from perfect. This lifestyle would have been awesome 15 years ago. Now that I am an adult, boredom consumes me and I wish I had better ways to spend my time.

I know I can always get a job if I want to. But I guess my standards have changed. I don't wanna settle in a job that I only intend to keep for months or if you're lucky, a year. I wanna work in an industry that thrills, challenges and most importantly makes me happy. I'm stuck at a crossroad. Sure, the jobs that are readily available can give me extra cash but in the long run, will only make me miserable. I really wish I know what my calling is.

I graduated with an Education degree but have found no passion for teaching. I tried numerous times to work as a teacher but can't even last a month. So, that's already a big NO. I've worked in various companies in the BPO industry but I was not in seventh heaven at all. I really don't know why.

When I left my last job, my mind was set into working from home. I thought it's gonna be a breeze. I've been scouting for jobs for a few months now but without a luck. I was able to score some interviews but the jobs they were offering is the same job I had when I was still in the BPO industry. I'm done taking calls. Period.

There are several things I want to do in my life. Sort of a bucket list. I wanna be successful. I wanna explore the world. I wanna do something crazy or random. I wanna be different. I wanna live my life the way I want to. I felt restrained, almost claustrophobic. Like living in an enclosed box - no air to breathe, limited space and movement, no life and ALONE.

One day, I will be able to do all these things. Only then will I know that the things I'm currently missing on are the same things that will make me complete. Or maybe not. I have yet to figure out. But I will never know till I try.